Fräulein Germania

...and I'm glad it was, in essence, my family who finally said it.
15 years ago, you could walk down the street in Vienna at night, near my aunt & uncle's apartment and not get mugged.
8 years ago, the vandalism began in the park across the street from them.
It's not a "bad neighborhood" by any stretch of the imagination.
A few years after that, my aunt was mugged by an Arab kid and his friends.
They punched her in the stomach and took her bag. Only one of them was caught.
She is turning 83 soon, and is afraid to walk down her own street.
In Vienna, Austria! One of (what was) the safest places to live in the world.
I am still so pissed off each time I think about it.
Thankfully, I'm not the only one...

"A recent poll found that a majority of all Austrians are opposed to Islamic immigration!"
http://cofcc.org/2010/04/no-to-islamic-immigration-say-austrians/

The Lost Western Woman
By Xenia Bakran Sunic

Distant fire always tinges
At the mysterious abyss of existence.
The maddening lightness
Of the eastern sun rising
Puts its daily spell on us.
It appears like a treason to my race
To talk about Eastern Beauty
With such depths of love unheard!

The heaviness of subtlety unmeasured
Weighing somber on your soul
For the love of that Eastern Beauty
Sounds unsurpassable with the sufferings
Of the young Werther .
Modern thrills so cheaply white!
Who are you? — A forgotten dragon or god
Who keeps memories of time abysmal blood deep
Where burning fires never die out
And you keep your Eastern Muse of music
So delicately in the warmest sleep.

Poor beauty of the woman of the West
Fallen in the shallowness
Of her breast’s white consciousness
Poor her soul without sources of fiery flow
The rivers wide and deep,
Extinguished fires of her long memory
Watery, bloodless veins murmur
Through the weakness of her too light,
Too white, too naked bodily beauty,
Brought through the artistry
Of conjuring from the east
Lifeless goddess in disguise.

Oh, raise you goddess
From the distant ashes
Primeval voices deep
Enthrall the man of your race
Weave again mellifluous music
In his prolonged sleep.
To feel the sweet balm
On his heavy sores
Might it stir his lost heart in darkness
Of his endless arduous fight
To obliterate his manhood
Just to please your trivial woman’s rights.

Transparent blue-eyed,
Blood thinned out woman,
So in love with your actual self
Forgetting your man
Is swerving and falling apart
In his search of his lost shadows
And hot blooded roots,
That melt the body
Like in some mad orgasmic orgy
Forging emotions that pierce the heaven
He is looking for a woman elsewhere
—in the far eastern land of the friendlier sun
Where the resounding voices
Remain mysterious
And his black eyed Muse
Inspirationally illusion deep.

Hail, the woman of the West!
Blind and deaf to alluring sounds
Of the mysterious dark voices
Enthralling your man’s lost manhood
In the desert of the magic sands,
While her Eastern unpretentious charm
Seduces him in her soft skin and satin breast.

I hate those forms they make you fill out for any visit the Dr. or the dentist, etc.
They always make you choose "White" or "Caucasian" if you are if European blood.
Everyone else gets a location, why not me?
NO, I'm not from the Caucasus region, nor am I Asian. I'm sure as HELL not Eastern european or Russian either.

Central European. Is that so hard to print on your damn forms?
I always just check "Other", and write it in.
I WON't be lumped in with the Russians.
*Shudder*

Terrorist attacks in Stockholm, Sweden the other day.
Perpetrators; Middle Eastern Immigrants under the "guest worker" program.
Read as, Not Citizens.
Sweden, for the gods sake grow some balls.
No more guests please. If you are a citizen, I don't care what color you are, or where you come from. You have obviously made the effort to become a contributing member of the country and culture, and won't try to blow people up in the name of some insane religion.
These particular "Guest workers", however; can fuck right off, and get the fuck out. You fanatics have overstayed your welcome.

Sweden; you need to turn your filters back on.
Thanks.

While my fiance and I have a hung jury on weather or not we actually want children in the near future, I do feel the pressure to breed.
Not from my own family, thank gods, but perhaps a tad from his mother. She is very subtle about it though, and it's very easy to ignore her, or change the subject when it's brought up.

I have my own thoughts about it though, on a regular basis, that pressure me.
Would that be my own "clock" as it were? Even though it has never been plugged in metaphorically speaking?
it's not that I dislike children (well, I dislike most children belonging to other people).
Perhaps I'm just gun-shy from all the horrible brats out there with parents that aren't doing there job correctly.
***Even as I write this, I can hear a child throwing a tantrum somewhere across the street from me.
Ill behavior would not be tolerated in my household. I believe in spankings, within reason of course. I only had 3 good ones as a child, all for very good reasons, and I remember each one and why I received it.

I just really enjoy my freedom.
Both of us do.
Although we are both in our mid 30s, we aren't ready to give that up; the ability to just have a weekend away, or even pop out for a date, a movie, even working on projects.
I doubt we could even afford to have a child now anyway. Little ones are expensive!
But the pressures I put on myself are entirely based on the knowledge that I *need* to have a child, rather than weather or not I *want* one. Need and want are two very different things, especially when it comes to deciding to have children.
I need to do this to continue the family line, but I don't really want children.

Also, the European races are dwindling, and those that are left, are so lost.
So many of us have forgotten our roots and our history.
That's not to say that mixing with other races is a bad thing, but if I were say, an Hispanic person staying this, I'm sure few would consider me "Racist".
I'm likely considered racist in thinking and feeling the way I do, simply because I'm a European or "white".

Ok, fine.
If voicing my deep concern that my culture, creed, and heritage is being lost makes me racist in the eyes of the majority; so be it. Oh well!
That said, mistakes were made by our forefathers in the past that have tarnished the white European image, along with modern trends that seem to be an attempt to stamp out central European culture globally. Not just in the US.
Making one culture or cultures/behaviors popular over all others isn't a new thing. Demeaning those that aren't racially associated with said popular culture(s) is where the problem lies. It's a bad habit we humans have, no matter what color we are.
Lately though, the media has gone so far as to vilify "whites" in all forms of media. To show us as stupid, inbred, uncool or the racist bad guy.
Is it sad that I am always so surprised these days, when I see a white actor on TV or in films, playing the hero?

But I digress;
I feel the need to breed.
Not because I really want babies, but I feel like I have to in order to help continue the viking bloodline in this world.
I know that's not a really good reason to have a child; just to spawn for the sole purpose of populating.
You have to really want it, REALLY badly. To love the concept of devoting your time to a child and its upbringing. I would want to have enough financial security to be a stay at home mother and wife. My mother did this with me, and it made a huge difference in how I was reared and the values instilled in me....such as proper behavior and manners(!) among many other qualities.
Qualities that are sorely lacking in kids and even grownups, that come from households that don't have time for them. Daycare is not the proper place to raise a child in it's early years, and should only be used as a last resort. Not on a regular basis.
That isn't to say that a child should be allowed to become overly clingy. A mother must teach her child to have independence, even when they are small.
of course no matter how often or how little you leave them with a daycare, family or friends, they will always cry when you leave.
I remember that as a tot, I did, ha! Even when left with Grandmother, so that mom and dad could have a date night.

You have to be absolutely sure, otherwise you run the risk of becoming one of 'those' parents.
The ones with multiple or even just one child in tow, that you see in line at the bank or the store. When you make eye contact with them, they have that certain look that says, "please kill me now."
I NEVER want to be one of them, and I NEVER want to put a child in a situation of apathy and neglect.

I guess it's true;
all the smart people that should be breeding don't because they are smart. All the stupid unfit-to-breed people are breeding, because they lack the ability to make intelligent decisions.

So I think I fixed the problem, but DW had a hiccup in consistency.
The other day I went to glance at this journal, and my journal's style was all screwed up.
Yet when I went to look at all the other themes with the same look, they were fine. It was just this color combo that was having issues. So all fixed, but the font is a little bit different.

Anyway...

Really boring day (week) at work. With the weather getting colder, we don't have as much foot traffic as we'd like. That will change with the holiday season that is nearly upon us.
I dread the 'Hell of days'; people running around and generally acting like greedy assholes, thinking that if they buy their kids that thing, or their significant other that bauble, they will feel somehow better about themselves. That they will be absolved in the eyes of capitalist god.

There's nothing wrong with buying a little something for the ones you care about, but people have fallen for the holiday marketing scheme hook, line and sinker...and it's pathetic.

I know my profile says I'm in Germany, but really it's just where my head is most times.
I, and many like me, are stuck in the US.
For the time being.
The more I look at the viscerally damaged society around me, in a country quickly falling to pieces at the hands of greedy bullshit and jingoist politics, the more I long to head back to the lands of my origin.
That would be Germany or Austria. Even Norway or Sweden.
My parents were born in German speaking countries, so I have always felt as though I wasn't really at home here. Visits to the family in Europe always seemed more like going home.
I have always felt somewhat like a tourist here in the US.

Of course, Europe has it's own issues.
In reality, most of Germany is not the one I long for.
My visit to Berlin 3 years ago made that abundantly clear; it's no better than the stinking hippie-filled streets of San Francisco, with nearly every available surface vandalized with spray painted "art". It's as if Berlin is this monument to the fact that Germany is stuck in some reactionary knee-jerk to WWII and the holocaust, and has never fully come to terms with the fact that they are a country with PTSD.
They need to move on, stop protecting immigrants that are consistently causing problems, and not let the Left wing nut-jobs run the country toward chaos.
You can't run a country on a guilt trip.

But, there are a few cities and towns between Germany and Austria that still give me hope.
Places where people aren't afraid to not only practice their traditions, but speak up to protect their traditions, heritage and culture.
By this practice, they keep these things alive and at the forefront of their society, not to be buried under a mountain of foreign trends.
Yet they speak up, always at the risk of getting lambasted by a bunch of leftists who would call them "right wing extremists" or see some kind of political angle to keeping German tradition and culture alive.

I'm on the verge of rambling... so I'll type more here later.

Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.

...Don't even get me started on republicans.

I always think it's amusing when I listen to people who have visited any of the German-speaking countries of Europe. They always come back with a gripe about how the locals react in an icy way upon initial encounters.
All I can do is look at them and say, "Yes, and?".
What would you do if you were in your own country, and someone came up to you and started rambling away in some other language besides yours, without even trying to speak the local language?
I imagine your reaction would initially involve a rather blank facial expression and a quizzical look, followed by frustration and an obvious set of questions; "Do you speak English?" etc.
Of course the foreign person is already frustrated and even feeling a bit vulnerable, so anything will make them feel as though everyone and everything, is against them.
Turn the tables on the tourist in Europe. Same thing.
While many Europeans speak english, especially the younger generation, many consider it rude to just assume everyone does. I personally don't just walk up to someone without trying to ask a question in their own language when visiting a foreign country. I especially try to speak the language with the earlier generations, as a sign of respect for my elders, more than anything.

I think the understandable chilly reaction to the tourist in Europe, comes more often from the earlier generation's reaction to the sudden and seasonal influx of a large number of tourists and immigrants. They come from all over the world to visit many of the tourist hot spots; Munich/Koln/Berlin Germany, Vienna/Salzburg Austria, et all.
All of these 'visitors' have various cultural predispositions to how they approach others. Often times, their behavior can either be misunderstood as rude...or the visitor's culture is just intentionally rude altogether.
After a while, locals just give up on being smiley, happy and nice right off the bat. They might choose to adopt a totally neutral, or even cold, countenance toward strangers for the first few seconds or minutes of an encounter. While a knee-jerk reaction, it's a protective barrier against the stresses of dealing with rude and pushy strangers in your city, that you cannot escape.

I personally tend to react the same to people, unless I'm being introduced by a friend. At work, my initial reaction is simply neutral. I don't go out of my way to be cold or shut people down, unless someone approaches me with a confrontational attitude.
In my personal time I'm not mean or cold, I just don't jump into conversation or 'buddy' behavior easily with people I don't know. Especially those who approach me at random.
Being of German-Bavarian blood, perhaps it is a cultural and-or genetic predisposition to react this way to strangers. 99% of the time however; I've found out I have good reason.
Sad, but true.